Principles for Healthy Relationships

As Valentine’s Day is just a couple of days away, I thought it would be fitting to give my thoughts on the aspects that create the foundation for a strong relationship. It’s important to note that just because these are the components I’ve listed it doesn’t mean I’ve nailed them. I’m always trying to improve in all of them. 

For all the ones who just treat this day as any other day I won’t discriminate, a relationship isn’t only limited to one with your partner, so these aspects can also be transferable to your family and friends too. 

Communication

This was something I’ve had to work a lot on over the last few years. When I look back at previous relationships there have definitely been moments where I was not up to scratch.  However, since then I’ve realised when there’s consistent, clear and honest communication, it makes the whole relationship easier and more fulfilling. There’s transparency, no second guessing or sneaking around. You know exactly how other feel and where you stand in the relationship. Communication also includes basic gestures such as talking about your day, telling them where you are going or just blabbering on about whatever really. This involves asking, conversing and active listening. Remember, communication is a two-way street. It’s not simply, asking and then agreeing and nodding while you’re on your phone. If there’s a pending issue, bring it up, don’t hide it. It’ll just sit on your mind and eat at you. Bring it up early, extinguish the issue before it grows into something bigger.  I know from experience that keeping things to yourself or pretending things are okay doesn’t make it go away. If you are not bothered to bring it up, then maybe it means you are not invested in the relationship enough to care or if you are the type to overreact and know that it’s a trait then let it ponder for a few hours and then express rationally your feelings and thoughts. 

Consideration

Be considerate of each other, be aware of your partner’s needs, and know when to act to fulfil them. For example, if you know they are experiencing a bad day, make it better. If you live together and it’s their night to cook but they hate it, make a spontaneous decision to take that chore off their hands or just get take out. Additionally, when you’re making decisions, ask for their opinion. Both these actions show that they are important to you, that you are invested in the relationship and that you genuinely want to involve them in your life. Even if it’s as simple as what t-shirt to wear haha.

Effort

If you truly want the relationship to thrive, you need to put in effort. It’s shows that you’re thinking of them and genuinely care about the relationship you both have. 

Keep it exciting, and when I say that, I don’t mean to begin performing actions to cause drama and intentionally hurt your partner. I mean to continually date them, try new experiences with them, pull out the lingerie, plan out the present rather than have it be an afterthought. Don’t be saying to yourself “I should have done this… take a lesson from Nike and ‘just do it.’ Now that you have ‘got’ them, it is not an excuse to not put in effort anymore.

Another way to showcase effort is to change some behaviours to benefit the relationship. I’m not saying to completely change yourself but for example consider trying to stop some bad habits you have that annoys your partner. Of course, there will be some habits that you can’t change and your partner needs to accept it, however if you can, make a conscious effort to do so.  If there is something that you both strongly disagree on and can’t change than maybe it should be treated as a deal breaker and you need to reconsider your relationship and part separate ways. 

You can also change your behaviour by working on your knowledge and skills on an area such as cooking, which benefits the relationship and yourself. Regardless even if these changes aren’t perfect, your partner will appreciate the effort. 

We all have busy lives, and sometimes may find it difficult to find time to spend with your partner. But at the end of the day, if it’s important to you (which it should be), then you can find the time. This doesn’t just apply to your partner, but to your family and friends as well. This is a statement that all my close friends associate myself with, it’s a quote I live by and all my friends know it too. 

Trust

I’m sure you will hear this a lot, because it’s true. Without trust, there is no relationship, simple. That’s why when people cheat on their partner or lie to their partner, it’s extremely difficult to regain the relationship to a strong point. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it will be strenuous. Trust is hard to gain, but it takes a rash decision to quickly lose it. 

Trust is part of the communication element, so when you put them together, it’s about having clear and honest communication. Honesty is the best policy, sometimes it will be hard, but it’s always better than lying especially if it’s something that could end the relationship, it’s not fair on your partner or yourself to continue on. Transparency in a relationship makes it run so much smoother. This is coming from someone who has experience both sides of the scale when it comes to this. You feel free from carrying any load on your back.

Balance

Yes, I know it’s your partner, but ensure you have balance in your life. They are pivotal in your life, but so are your family, friends and most importantly, yourself.  The last thing you want is to lose yourself and become dependent on them. 

I’ve seen too many people, which includes myself, put all the eggs into their relationship basket, and end up losing themselves in the relationship. It becomes extremely bad when a break up happens too because you feel you’ve lost everything, and it’s a real struggle to do anything other than think about what your ex is doing and who they are seeing etc. I’m not going to delve anymore into this, as it’ll be saved for my future blog post on breakups, however, just keep in mind that your partner shouldn’t complete you, but they should add value.

Acceptance

I touched base on this when I spoke about effort, but more specifically, this is about loving your partner for who they are, and not completely changing them to suit your wants and needs. There’s a reason why you decided to be with them in the first place. You can tinker with things and discuss about some habits that can be changed, but you should predominantly accept them.

A relationship isn’t something you can switch on and off, it takes hard work, it’s something you need to consistently work on as you and your partner grow. There will be break downs in communication, where it will inevitably be tested from time to time, but it comes down to the effort to continue to work on all the above that will make the relationship thrive.

The most important thing is a relationship must be joint effort, a two-way street, if all these aspects only go one way and not reciprocated or agreed on by the other side, is it really a healthy relationship?